The 'Da Machi Code'

Monday, July 31, 2006

COMING SOON TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU....

WITNESS THE GREATEST COVER UP IN HINDU HISTORY

A SECRET SO DEVASTATING THAT IF REVEALED COULD LEAD TO EVEN MORE CATACLISMIC POPULATION EXPLOSION.....

WAS THE MOST NOTORIOUS PIECE OF INDIAN LITERATURE ORIGINALLY PART OF THE GREATEST EPIC POEM EVER WRITTEN?

WERE THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE KAMASUTRA THE SAME GODS AND GODDESSES GLORIFIED IN ANCIENT TEXTS?

CONTINUING WITH THE MODERN INDIAN TRADITION OF BLATANTLY APING THE WEST....

A.M.RATNAM PRESENTS

CAPTAIN in

THE DA MACHI CODE

'SO CORNY A DARK MAN'

PONGAL 2007


Robert Lingam I.P.S (Vijayakanth) visits Madurai to deliver a lecture in a college about public safety. The head pujari of Meenakshi temple is murdered. He was stabbed to death, but before dying he lies down in the robotic break dance position next to a shiva lingam, the message clearly being "call robert lingam". He had also smashed the breasts of a goddess statue and hung a bell with a chain from her hip. Also clutched in his hand is the Congress party manifesto with the 49% reservation for OBCs underlined with his blood.

Pujari's grand daughter Mahalakshmi (Sneha) had just returned from USA with a degree in cryptology, symbology, singing and group-dance. She cuts short her weekend trip to Chennai and returns to Madurai upon the murder.

She meets Commissioner Lingam at the murder site and together embark to solve the murder and in the process "witness the biggest cover up in Hindu history".

"My thaatha used to insist that me and my brother play hide and seek inside the temple", said Mahalakshmi.

"Why the congress manifesto? Why the underlining on the reservation part? Was your thaatha going to lose his job as head-priest to an OBC candidate?", puzzled look on Lingam's face with knit eyebrows.

"Thaatha always said reservation was plain bull shit"

"What?"

"Bull shit - very rarely he used english but whenever this topic came up, he would use that term"

Lingam's eyes lit up. "That's the clue...yes, bull shit, oh Rama how did i miss that", excited he clutches Mahalakshmi's wrist as they bolt out of the murder scene.

"Where is the biggest Nandi bull statue in this temple complex?"

"by the east gate"

"Let's go".................

Lingam put his hand into the orifice which was the asshole of the Nandi bull statue. His fingers felt the cold touch of an ancient palm leaf. Pulling it out Lingam attempted to read under the flickering light of the solitary lamp post nearby.neatly written in outdated tamil script were the lines,

"Kai Anchu, Vaai Nooru Periya bookukule oru chinna book" [ "five hands, hundred mouths. Small book inside a big book"]

"Ah", Lingam sighed.

"What does it mean?"

"I have heard both these lines before...but in a very different context"

Lingam looked skywards for some divine intervention to help him solve this new clue. Towering into the skyline in front of him as dawn was breaking,was the tall gopuram of the temple. Quickly turning around, a smile danced on Lingam's lips as his sight fell on all the five towers. "The five towers, phallic symbols...the five Pandava brothers, We need to get to a library,I need to see the original copy of the Kama sutra", "this early in the morning?" asked Mahalakshmi as they hurried towards Lingam's jeep.

As they jeep hurtled towards the town library, Lingam explained, "Few temples in India are famous for their erotic art and architecture. The kings built those to encourage population growth. For centuries, there has been rumours of a secret society that guarded a secret behind such art and symbols, a secret so powerful that if revealed would shake the very foundations of conservative culture."



Do not know who the original creator of this awesome piece is. Just couldn't resist sharing it.

Chicken lays mystery 'Allah' egg

A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.

"Our mosque confirmed that it says 'Allah' in Arabic," Bites Amantayeva, a farmer from the village of Stepnoi in eastern Kazakhstan, told state news agency Kazinform.

"We'll keep this egg and we don't think it'll go bad."

The news agency said the egg was laid just after a powerful hail storm hit the village.

Kazakhstan is a large, thinly populated Central Asian state where Sunni Islam is a dominant religion.

Source: Reuters

The 15 Most Popular Icecream Flavours

Never thought Vanilla would top the charts.. Check out the entire list here..

Would you wanna try a floating restroom?

Virginia is planning to build a floating restroom to keep boaters from having to go in buckets. The craft would have separate toilets for men and women. During a hurricane the bathroom barge would have to be towed to shore because “that’s the last thing you want to flip over.”

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First hand recollection of a 'Mumbaikar'

You have got to be proud of being an indian after u read this guy's story..

STUNNED - Mumbai Mirror.
7 BLASTS ROCK MUMBAI- yahoo headlines.

Which editor wrote these lines? Which abysmal m****r-f****r had the guts to talk about my mother land, MY CITY being stunned!!! I was there. I was on the train, in the hospital and on the streets and I didnt see Stunned. I saw Stunning…stunning acts of kindness. And nothing rocked Mumbai. No self respecting Mumbaikar can believe that. No. Its not blasts rock Mumbai cause Mumbai rocked, man. She simply ROCKED.

Here is my story.

For those who came in late…I have started working in a tutoring firm at Andheri. So its the night shift for me since the students are based in the States. So there I was standing at Dadar station. Waiting for the Borivili fast. She came bang on time. After the normal physical exercise routine (in other cities they call this boarding a train…we Mumbaikars know better:):):)) I got in. The train started. Next stop Bandra…Lots of people got in…some tried to get out:). After the usual round of expletives, shouting and chod do na yaar…are maramari mat karo(forget about it, man…dont fight guys) the train started.

BOOM!

My first impression was that the over head wire that supplies current to the trains engine had snapped.
There had been a flash like a yellow light and then the lights went out. People started panicking. I dont know why but at such times I have the tendency to restore calm….a very close friend had once called this habit…tere mein kida kam nahi hain..(cant translate this one) Neways, I roared out that people should calm down. Miraculously, they did. Someone asked for the chain to be pulled but by then the motorman had pushed the breaks. I jumped out of the train like the rest of the commuters and saw that the first class compartment ahead of us had blown up.

I moved towards the compartment. People had already started pulling others out. Lots of guys had climbed the harbour line bridge that starts near Bandra station. Slowly, the injured started emerging. The first guy whose hand I held was merely stunned. Didnt have any money left…wallet gone I think. I gave him twenty bucks and he went his way. As I turned towards the train, I saw a guy with lots of blood on his face…thankfully none of it was his. He had temporarily lost his sense of hearing. Walked with him a lil distance. Bandra station was a stones throw away from the blown-up compartment. He recovered soon and some one took him to the station. I turned and saw four guys carrying a fifth. The injuired man was alive but i think, his hand would have to be amputated. A big guy was holding the patient's right shoulder was shouting for some one to steady the mans head which had no support. With nothing else to do, I stepped in.

We took him to Bhaba hospital, Bandra. While the journey up till the auto rickshaw was tough the journey till the hospital was an eye opener. Carrying a 90 kilo man over the railway tracks, then over a 2 foot incline near the tracks, then over a railing and through the jam caused by the numerous autos which were ferrying patients to the hospital was tough even when four of us were carrying him. We reached the main road outside the station and got into the auto. The big saand (strong-guy) who had earlier called me for help, literally dragged a fellow who had hired the auto out and we got ourselves in. The big guy was sitting with the auto driver and I along with two others was holding the injuired man on our laps.

Then the most beautiful thing happened. The guy to my right told the one to my left to start reciting verses from the Koran and to blow on the mans head. I think it is some Muslim prayer. The big guy said,Oh lord!
Have Mercy on this man!. A few minutes later that injured man who was half awake all this time started saying shiv shiv shiv…om namah shivay …om namah shivay.

When I think back about that moment I smile to myself.
We six of us in that small auto heading towards the hospital had done it. We had defeated the terrorists.
Who can say we were stunned…we won guys. We won. We defeated the terrorists plan by that simple act of helping a fellow INDIAN. We didnt have to invade Pak or kill Muslims. We had won. Of course we could have lost if the 2 muslims had walked away from the man knowing that he was Hindu but they didnt. They continued working with me at the hospital for nearly an hour transporting bodies to the morgue, taking patients to the upper floors and providing a lil water to the other impromptu volunteers. Going towards the office after all this was over, was probably the stupidest thing I ever did but that gave me the chance to see the City become one. Guys in designer tees, shorts etc. were flooding out of their houses with water bottles. The rick I used was stopped in 4 places…two places for others to get in ( the driver lied saying we were going to parel.) and at two others, hands full of Parle-G biscuits were thrust in so that we and the thousands of others like us who had been affected by the Western railway system being shut down could have something to eat. The over crowded buses were being given food and water at some signals with people throwing biscuit packets into the bus…even good old Bourbon biscuit…yummy:):):)

All in all a lot happened yesterday but my city didnt budge. We have been hit before, we have been hit yesterday and we will continue to get attacked. The only thing to do is to come together. Together as One.
For that is what the terrorists dont want to see. They dont realise that the more they attack us, the closer we become. We cant let ourselves go down so we cant give up.

You may think what I did was pretty heroic…it was may be…but I like so many others wouldnt like to be called heroes. It feels very uncomfortable. If you want to give us a name just call us Mumbaikars. That name is all-inclusive.

Ishan I. Bhole

Dead or Alive!

How would it feel when everyone around you says that you are dead when you are actually up and running?? That is what has happened to Minggu Mang anak Madang, a Malaysian who has been 'dead' since 2002.

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A new way to solve problems!

If u r troubled by someone, here's the latest way to solve it ;)

Camino - A browser from the stables of Mozilla & Google!

Camino is a typical web browser, with typical features that “also” supports the Mac for FREE! It makes your web experience more productive, more efficient, more secure, and more fun. Basically designed for Mac OS users, it looks and feels like how a Mac OS application should. Hence you will see the entire internet the way it was intended.

More info about the Camino browser can be found here..

Where Italy lost the World Cup!

MEDIAWORLD, an Italian electrical chain has lost £12 million after it ran a campaign offering customers who bought TVs their money back if Italy won the World Cup.

Sales at Mediaworld's 65 stores jumped a whopping 30 per cent in the promotion.

Why didn't someone tell me about this offer before?? ;)

What is the punishment for Bigamy??

Bigamy is defined by dictionary.com as follows:

Bigamy - The criminal offense of marrying one person while still legally married to another.

Now what is the punishment?? Click here to find out..

Darryl Peebles meet ... Daryl Peebles

What happens when u meet someone who shares your name, your year of birth, same no of kids etc?? Read this to find out..

Like to eat tongues??

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Circumcision and HIV

Circumcising men routinely across Africa could prevent millions of deaths from AIDS, World Health Organization researchers and colleagues reported on Monday.

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Zidane's head butt!

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Officials in a lather over suds fountain

Here, the bubbles runneth over. A park fountain in this southern Minnesota town has been hit by suds-dumping pranksters at least 10 times in the past few months. And now, city officials are in a lather.

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Wanna learn Chinese??

China launched a Web site, www.linese.com, Saturday offering free Chinese lessons and materials to promote the study and use of the language abroad.

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Rollerblader hitches 50 mph ride

Ever tried hitching on to a running car wearing roller blades?? Check this out..

GMail on Sony Ericsson k750i

Wow, yet another reason to love this phone.. it supports ssl/tls for mail
Here are the settings.

ok.. first to create a new account:

Messaging --> email --> settings --> Account settings --> New Account
You are asked to create an account name.
gmail
Once that is done, you automatically move on to the setup screens.

Connect Using: GPRS Data Account, not WAP.
Protocol: POP3
Incoming Server: pop.gmail.com
Incoming Port: 995
Encryption --> Incoming Server: TLS/SSL
Encryption --> Outgoing Server: TLS/SSL
Mailbox: username@gmail.com
Password: your password
Outgoing Server: smtp.gmail.com
Outgoing Port: 465
Email Address: username@gmail.com
Download: Whatever your preference is
From Name: Whatever you want
Signature: Your signature
Copy Outgoing: off
Check Interval: Whatever your preference

Click done, off you go!

Teen's Name Changed After Years of Mockery

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Strange Coincidence!!

Year 1981:

- Prince Charles gets married

- Liverpool wins the European Cup

- The Pope dies

Year 2005:

- Prince Charles gets married

- Liverpool wins the European Cup

- The Pope dies

Conclusion: If Prince Charles decides to marry again and Liverpool gets in the European Cup finals, someone better announce The Pope…

Hot n Spicy ice cream

Spicy ice cream hits a hot spot

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Commuter sliced with saw!

Subway rider sliced in power saw attack

NEW YORK (AP) — A man wielding a cordless power saw in each hand rampaged through a Manhattan subway station early Thursday, using one of the buzzing blades to carve into the chest of a postal worker who later said it felt like "he was trying to cut through me."

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PayPal users - BEWARE!

Phone phishers target PayPal

Hi-tech fraudsters are attempting to trick PayPal users into calling a phone number and giving over sensitive credit card account information.

The tactic follows the same patterns as a recently detected "phone phishing" attack targeting customers of the Santa Barbara Bank & Trust. The attack on PayPal shows that the approach is going mainstream.

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Apple pips its rivals with the iPod that talks

FROM Walkman to Talkman. Not content with changing the world's music-listening habits, Apple has come up with another innovation: the talking iPod.

A new generation of machines will use sophisticated software to convert the names of bands, albums and individual tracks into recognisable speech.

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Limo driver gets big tip: a kidney

CHICAGO (Reuters) - As tips go, Chicago limousine driver Abdul Faraj got a priceless one this week when one of his regular customers offered up a kidney, media reports said.

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Microsoft's challenge to the iPod

Here's internet's worst kept secret. Microsoft is comin up vth something to compete vth Apple's ipod. Click here to read on..

eBay bans Google Checkout

eBay has banned its customers from using Google Checkout, according to its accepted payments policy. Click here to read on....

Scorpions, worms and ants on the menu at club.. Continued!

TARANTULA CANAPES

Rurka prepared two large black tarantulas for the cocktail party but he said at the annual dinner he serves hundreds of them, each costing $175. They have to be stored individually and kept alive until just before cooking to stay fresh.

"They kill each other if they're kept together," he said, adding that occasionally the hairs on the legs can cause an allergic reaction, just as some people are allergic to bees.

He neutralizes the stings of the scorpions with heat to avoid adverse reactions.

"When you look at a scorpion your salivary glands dry up. It's not like looking at a pizza," said Cal Dennison, winemaker for Redwood Creek, who was offering advice on wine pairings.

He recommended a pinot grigio or something similar "to get your salivary glands working."

Rurka said he tries to overcome people's aversion to creepy-crawlies by serving them with something appetizing -- for example a cactus jelly with the cricket, or cheese and sun-dried tomato with the scorpion. He admits he would not normally feast on such creatures by choice.

"This is for sustenance, this is not an every day meal," he said. "The chances are you're not going to be looking for this unless you're in dire straits, and if you're in dire straits, I would suggest you go out and survive."

But he said attitudes to food changed over time and between countries, and with environmental problems and a growing population, the food industry could eventually be looking for new sources of protein, such as maggots or worms.

"I would say in the future our protein source will be different," he said, comparing raising insects to farming battery chickens. "I would say we could raise insects faster, get a better source of protein, control the fat content and have a higher nutritional value."

"I think you're going to see bio-foods," he said. "It's getting over that hurdle; it's hard to put that worm in your mouth."

For the record, a worm pretzel, or worm-zel, is a little chewy but doesn't taste too bad smothered with mustard.

Source: Reuters

Scorpions, worms and ants on the menu at club

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A discerning guest at a Manhattan cocktail party removed a scorpion from its bed of cheese on an endive leaf and popped it in his mouth, determined to savour the taste unadulterated.

"Nutty, sweet," was the verdict of Gourmet magazine food editor Ian Knauer at the recent soiree.

"That's an antenna," he added, pointing to a morsel of cricket left poking through lips of his companion at the Explorers Club in New York, which likes to entertain its well-traveled members with exotic culinary adventures.

Founded in 1904, the exclusive international club has some 3,000 members around the world including Edmund Hillary, the first man to climb Mount Everest, astronaut John Glenn and paleontologist Richard Leakey.

On the menu at a reception for some lesser mortals in June were worms, crickets, scorpions, ants and pigeon pate.

"We're so fast to make fun or make comments about the way someone talks or the way someone walks, and food is like the last bastion," said Gene Rurka, the Explorers Club's exotic foods expert. "But someone today is living off this."

"I guarantee you people in Africa who haven't had rain for seven years would love to see an insect," he said.

Rurka, a biologist who has studied coral reefs in the Virgin Islands, devotes much thought to devising dishes for the Explorers Club's annual dinner in March where guests feast on tarantulas, maggots and exotic parts of various livestock such as eyeballs, testicles and penises.

TEXAS ANTS AND MAGGOTS

Large ants from Texas are served with blackcurrants in a sweet mini-tart, while he likes to serve the maggots stuffed in mushrooms. "They're delicious," Rurka said. "I was going to say like a tasty rice grain, but soft. It's not chewy like that."

He has experimented with worms and decided the best option is to disguise them as a pretzel, tying them in a knot like the salty dough snack, and to serve them with mustard. First they have to be fed on oatmeal for 10 days to cleanse the system, and he does not recommend taking worms from just anywhere.

"You don't want them raised in a dump site, you don't want them raised in manure," he said.

Earlier Richard Wiese, president emeritus of the Explorers Club, led several dozen people through Central Park for a foraging hike to find edible plants in the heart of New York.

Among the findings were wood sorrel -- a heart shaped leaf that tastes a little like sour apples -- dandelions, violet leaves and burdock, as well as pods from a Kentucky coffee tree from which he had brewed a batch of coffee for the party.

"It's naturally decaffeinated," Wiese said. "It's kind of fun to go into Central Park and make your own coffee."

Rurka sources the more exotic ingredients such as spiders and scorpions from farms in Texas and Nevada where they are raised as pets or to feed animals.

At $30 each, the scorpions make a costly canape.

Piece of man's skull falls off, draws crowds

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - Hundreds of people are thronging a hospital in the eastern Indian city of Kolkata to see a patient holding a piece of his own skull that fell off.

Doctors say a large, dead section of 25-year-old electrician Sambhu Roy's skull came away Sunday after severe burns starved it of blood.

"When he came to us late last year, his scalp was completely burned and within months it came off exposing the skull," Ratan Lal Bandyopadhyay, the surgeon who treated Roy told Reuters Wednesday.

"Later, we noticed that the part of his skull was loosening due to lack of blood supply to the affected area, which can happen in such extensive burn cases."

The piece came off Sunday and hundreds of people and dozens of doctors now crowd around his bed, where he lies holding the bone.

Bandyopadhyay said the skull's inner covering and the membrane which helps produce bone was miraculously unaffected, allowing fresh bone to grow.

"When the skull came off, I thought he will die, but we noticed a new covering on his head forming and that might have pushed the 'dead skull' out," he said.

While possible, such cases are extremely rare.

Roy was injured and almost killed when he was electrocuted while repairing a high voltage wire last October.

"Doctors say a new skull covering has replaced the old one, but I am not letting go of this one," he told Reuters.

He intends to keep his prized possession for life and not hand it over to the hospital when he leaves: "My skull has made me famous," he says.

Source: Reuters

Jose say what? A Full Translation of Jose + 10

Here goes the transalation!!!

As the ad opens, Gordito is bored, chilling out in an old arm chair (next to an abandoned car) outside, as Jose bounces a soccer ball off the wall nearby.

Gordito: Jose? Jugamos?/ Jose? Shall we play?

Jose: Si/ Yes.

The scene cuts to the courtyard where Jose and Gordito do their version of "rock, paper, scissors" to see who gets first pick of the players.

Gordito: Pares -- uno, dos y tres!/ Stop -- one, two, three! (They each throw a hand in, Jose loses.)

Jose: Ach!/ Ach! (the international language of frustration). Gordito gets first pick; the players arrive, running in from various angles of the courtyard, some in their native team gear, some more casual.

G: Cisse!/ Djubril Cisse, of France, who is injured for the Cup (broken leg).

J: Kaka!/ Kaka, of Brazil (remember, lots of them go by one name).

G: Zidane!/ Zinedine Zizane (Zizou), of France.

J: Beckham!/ David Beckham, of England.

G: Defoe!/ Jermaine Defoe, who plays for Tottenham, but is not playing for England in the Cup.

J: Kahn! Oliver Kahn, German goal-keeper, who won the "Golden Ball" (ringing Austin Powers?) at the 2002 World Cup.

G: Messi!/ Lionel Messi, of Argentina.

J: Mm, Beckenbauer!

G: . . . [realizing what Jose had just said] Beckenbauer!? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha/ The joke that they're sharing is that Jose has selected the player Franz Beckenbauer -- which sounds like "bake-un-bow-yea" in their idiom -- who was a German star (and former national team manager) from the late sixties and seventies (and an Adidas icon to boot).

Just when they're laughing, however, Beckenbauer turns up, in the era-appropriate kit (and his old number, 5). Oliver Kahn, the current -- and great -- German goalie (in the middle of the photo to the right), is especially dumb-struck, and Beckenbauer approaches him first to shake his hand. Neat moment.

But having cottoned on to the kids' m.o., Zidane whispers in Gordito's ear the name of a French football icon from the late seventies and eighties, Michel Platini -- G: Platini! -- who duly arrives to hug his no. 10 heir, Zidane (i.e., Germans don't hug. . .).

The players are stretching, smiling, and getting to know each other while they warm up, but Jose and Gordito are all business.

G: Oye, Defoe!/ Listen up, Defoe! Gordito throws Defoe the goalie gear, surprising -- and amusing -- because Defoe is a forward; but we've established that these are the kids' teams, as Jose then makes explicit.

J: [the coin toss; Cisse stoops to pick it up; Jose swipes it from his hands] Soy capitan!/ I'm the captain!

G: [calling out to his players behind him] Oye, cuatro cuatro dos!/ Four four two! The standard soccer line up of four defenders, four midfielders, then two forwards, or strikers.

J: [to his team, very seriously] Cuidado Cisse, porque el corre muy rapido . . .vale? vale. / Watch out for Cisse, because he runs very fast . . . All right? All right. (Cisse nods and wags his finger in agreement).

G: [pointing to two players in his backfield] Lampard, Robben, venga, ramos!/ Lampard, Robben, come on, to the wings! (or sides, of the pitch, with a gesture that tells them to switch -- which they do). And that's Frank Lampard of England, and Arjen Robben, of the Netherlands.

The match begins when Jose shoves German player Michael Ballack to the side and says, pita!/ the whistle (has blown), and takes the first touch. I'm not going to call every touch of the match itself (unless pressed).

G:Vengamos! Venga, corre!/ Let's go! Come on, run!

Jose tackles -- okay, trips -- the rapidly advancing Robben, who considers it a foul. Jose shrugs off his protest with a clipped "sorry!" to continue play. . .

J: Aqui, Beckham!/ Here, Beckham! (who produces his trademark bending cross).

Kaka ends up with the ball, advances, shoots, and Defoe -- remember, a forward -- manages to deflect it, with a laugh. Jose, disappointed in Kaka, orders, Tu, al banquillo!/ You, to the bench! -- in which the joke is who benches Kaka?!-- but then he shouts, Duff, ven! / Duff, come! Damien Duff, of Ireland, comes in off the bench. Play continues.

G: Oye, Zidane!/ Hey, Zidane! (whom he passes the ball). Zidane to Cisse. As Cisse heads up the wing, Capitan Gordito yells something I can't make out (he's running, and huffing and puffing); whatever it is, he wants him to cross the ball in . . .

Lampard collects the cross and shoots; the goalie, Kahn, grabs it. G: Gol! Kahn: "Nooooo!" Lampard, and Gordito's team, consider it a goal. Jose and Kahn argue (in their respective languages) over the goal line when . . .

Jose's mother calls from the balcony: Jose!

J: Que?!/ What?

Jose's mom: A casa!!/ Come home! He shakes his head and throws up his arm in disappointment, and heads for home, as the camera pulls back to reveal noone on the "pitch," save for Jose and Gordito, reluctantly exiting their fantasy. . .