The 'Da Machi Code'

Monday, July 31, 2006

COMING SOON TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU....

WITNESS THE GREATEST COVER UP IN HINDU HISTORY

A SECRET SO DEVASTATING THAT IF REVEALED COULD LEAD TO EVEN MORE CATACLISMIC POPULATION EXPLOSION.....

WAS THE MOST NOTORIOUS PIECE OF INDIAN LITERATURE ORIGINALLY PART OF THE GREATEST EPIC POEM EVER WRITTEN?

WERE THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE KAMASUTRA THE SAME GODS AND GODDESSES GLORIFIED IN ANCIENT TEXTS?

CONTINUING WITH THE MODERN INDIAN TRADITION OF BLATANTLY APING THE WEST....

A.M.RATNAM PRESENTS

CAPTAIN in

THE DA MACHI CODE

'SO CORNY A DARK MAN'

PONGAL 2007


Robert Lingam I.P.S (Vijayakanth) visits Madurai to deliver a lecture in a college about public safety. The head pujari of Meenakshi temple is murdered. He was stabbed to death, but before dying he lies down in the robotic break dance position next to a shiva lingam, the message clearly being "call robert lingam". He had also smashed the breasts of a goddess statue and hung a bell with a chain from her hip. Also clutched in his hand is the Congress party manifesto with the 49% reservation for OBCs underlined with his blood.

Pujari's grand daughter Mahalakshmi (Sneha) had just returned from USA with a degree in cryptology, symbology, singing and group-dance. She cuts short her weekend trip to Chennai and returns to Madurai upon the murder.

She meets Commissioner Lingam at the murder site and together embark to solve the murder and in the process "witness the biggest cover up in Hindu history".

"My thaatha used to insist that me and my brother play hide and seek inside the temple", said Mahalakshmi.

"Why the congress manifesto? Why the underlining on the reservation part? Was your thaatha going to lose his job as head-priest to an OBC candidate?", puzzled look on Lingam's face with knit eyebrows.

"Thaatha always said reservation was plain bull shit"

"What?"

"Bull shit - very rarely he used english but whenever this topic came up, he would use that term"

Lingam's eyes lit up. "That's the clue...yes, bull shit, oh Rama how did i miss that", excited he clutches Mahalakshmi's wrist as they bolt out of the murder scene.

"Where is the biggest Nandi bull statue in this temple complex?"

"by the east gate"

"Let's go".................

Lingam put his hand into the orifice which was the asshole of the Nandi bull statue. His fingers felt the cold touch of an ancient palm leaf. Pulling it out Lingam attempted to read under the flickering light of the solitary lamp post nearby.neatly written in outdated tamil script were the lines,

"Kai Anchu, Vaai Nooru Periya bookukule oru chinna book" [ "five hands, hundred mouths. Small book inside a big book"]

"Ah", Lingam sighed.

"What does it mean?"

"I have heard both these lines before...but in a very different context"

Lingam looked skywards for some divine intervention to help him solve this new clue. Towering into the skyline in front of him as dawn was breaking,was the tall gopuram of the temple. Quickly turning around, a smile danced on Lingam's lips as his sight fell on all the five towers. "The five towers, phallic symbols...the five Pandava brothers, We need to get to a library,I need to see the original copy of the Kama sutra", "this early in the morning?" asked Mahalakshmi as they hurried towards Lingam's jeep.

As they jeep hurtled towards the town library, Lingam explained, "Few temples in India are famous for their erotic art and architecture. The kings built those to encourage population growth. For centuries, there has been rumours of a secret society that guarded a secret behind such art and symbols, a secret so powerful that if revealed would shake the very foundations of conservative culture."



Do not know who the original creator of this awesome piece is. Just couldn't resist sharing it.

Chicken lays mystery 'Allah' egg

A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.

"Our mosque confirmed that it says 'Allah' in Arabic," Bites Amantayeva, a farmer from the village of Stepnoi in eastern Kazakhstan, told state news agency Kazinform.

"We'll keep this egg and we don't think it'll go bad."

The news agency said the egg was laid just after a powerful hail storm hit the village.

Kazakhstan is a large, thinly populated Central Asian state where Sunni Islam is a dominant religion.

Source: Reuters

The 15 Most Popular Icecream Flavours

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First hand recollection of a 'Mumbaikar'

You have got to be proud of being an indian after u read this guy's story..

STUNNED - Mumbai Mirror.
7 BLASTS ROCK MUMBAI- yahoo headlines.

Which editor wrote these lines? Which abysmal m****r-f****r had the guts to talk about my mother land, MY CITY being stunned!!! I was there. I was on the train, in the hospital and on the streets and I didnt see Stunned. I saw Stunning…stunning acts of kindness. And nothing rocked Mumbai. No self respecting Mumbaikar can believe that. No. Its not blasts rock Mumbai cause Mumbai rocked, man. She simply ROCKED.

Here is my story.

For those who came in late…I have started working in a tutoring firm at Andheri. So its the night shift for me since the students are based in the States. So there I was standing at Dadar station. Waiting for the Borivili fast. She came bang on time. After the normal physical exercise routine (in other cities they call this boarding a train…we Mumbaikars know better:):):)) I got in. The train started. Next stop Bandra…Lots of people got in…some tried to get out:). After the usual round of expletives, shouting and chod do na yaar…are maramari mat karo(forget about it, man…dont fight guys) the train started.

BOOM!

My first impression was that the over head wire that supplies current to the trains engine had snapped.
There had been a flash like a yellow light and then the lights went out. People started panicking. I dont know why but at such times I have the tendency to restore calm….a very close friend had once called this habit…tere mein kida kam nahi hain..(cant translate this one) Neways, I roared out that people should calm down. Miraculously, they did. Someone asked for the chain to be pulled but by then the motorman had pushed the breaks. I jumped out of the train like the rest of the commuters and saw that the first class compartment ahead of us had blown up.

I moved towards the compartment. People had already started pulling others out. Lots of guys had climbed the harbour line bridge that starts near Bandra station. Slowly, the injured started emerging. The first guy whose hand I held was merely stunned. Didnt have any money left…wallet gone I think. I gave him twenty bucks and he went his way. As I turned towards the train, I saw a guy with lots of blood on his face…thankfully none of it was his. He had temporarily lost his sense of hearing. Walked with him a lil distance. Bandra station was a stones throw away from the blown-up compartment. He recovered soon and some one took him to the station. I turned and saw four guys carrying a fifth. The injuired man was alive but i think, his hand would have to be amputated. A big guy was holding the patient's right shoulder was shouting for some one to steady the mans head which had no support. With nothing else to do, I stepped in.

We took him to Bhaba hospital, Bandra. While the journey up till the auto rickshaw was tough the journey till the hospital was an eye opener. Carrying a 90 kilo man over the railway tracks, then over a 2 foot incline near the tracks, then over a railing and through the jam caused by the numerous autos which were ferrying patients to the hospital was tough even when four of us were carrying him. We reached the main road outside the station and got into the auto. The big saand (strong-guy) who had earlier called me for help, literally dragged a fellow who had hired the auto out and we got ourselves in. The big guy was sitting with the auto driver and I along with two others was holding the injuired man on our laps.

Then the most beautiful thing happened. The guy to my right told the one to my left to start reciting verses from the Koran and to blow on the mans head. I think it is some Muslim prayer. The big guy said,Oh lord!
Have Mercy on this man!. A few minutes later that injured man who was half awake all this time started saying shiv shiv shiv…om namah shivay …om namah shivay.

When I think back about that moment I smile to myself.
We six of us in that small auto heading towards the hospital had done it. We had defeated the terrorists.
Who can say we were stunned…we won guys. We won. We defeated the terrorists plan by that simple act of helping a fellow INDIAN. We didnt have to invade Pak or kill Muslims. We had won. Of course we could have lost if the 2 muslims had walked away from the man knowing that he was Hindu but they didnt. They continued working with me at the hospital for nearly an hour transporting bodies to the morgue, taking patients to the upper floors and providing a lil water to the other impromptu volunteers. Going towards the office after all this was over, was probably the stupidest thing I ever did but that gave me the chance to see the City become one. Guys in designer tees, shorts etc. were flooding out of their houses with water bottles. The rick I used was stopped in 4 places…two places for others to get in ( the driver lied saying we were going to parel.) and at two others, hands full of Parle-G biscuits were thrust in so that we and the thousands of others like us who had been affected by the Western railway system being shut down could have something to eat. The over crowded buses were being given food and water at some signals with people throwing biscuit packets into the bus…even good old Bourbon biscuit…yummy:):):)

All in all a lot happened yesterday but my city didnt budge. We have been hit before, we have been hit yesterday and we will continue to get attacked. The only thing to do is to come together. Together as One.
For that is what the terrorists dont want to see. They dont realise that the more they attack us, the closer we become. We cant let ourselves go down so we cant give up.

You may think what I did was pretty heroic…it was may be…but I like so many others wouldnt like to be called heroes. It feels very uncomfortable. If you want to give us a name just call us Mumbaikars. That name is all-inclusive.

Ishan I. Bhole

Dead or Alive!

How would it feel when everyone around you says that you are dead when you are actually up and running?? That is what has happened to Minggu Mang anak Madang, a Malaysian who has been 'dead' since 2002.

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A new way to solve problems!

If u r troubled by someone, here's the latest way to solve it ;)

Camino - A browser from the stables of Mozilla & Google!

Camino is a typical web browser, with typical features that “also” supports the Mac for FREE! It makes your web experience more productive, more efficient, more secure, and more fun. Basically designed for Mac OS users, it looks and feels like how a Mac OS application should. Hence you will see the entire internet the way it was intended.

More info about the Camino browser can be found here..

Where Italy lost the World Cup!

MEDIAWORLD, an Italian electrical chain has lost £12 million after it ran a campaign offering customers who bought TVs their money back if Italy won the World Cup.

Sales at Mediaworld's 65 stores jumped a whopping 30 per cent in the promotion.

Why didn't someone tell me about this offer before?? ;)