HOTEL KERALA-FONIA

Inspired by - Hotel California by The Eagles

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite

There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile

Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's infested here

His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh

Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips

I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice

And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray
Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise

And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef

Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure

Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!

---- The Yeagles